you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
