He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
