dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
