direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
