What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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