The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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