I can text with my tongue
Duck Duck Cougar?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
