Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
