i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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