Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's always time for handjobs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize