Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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