Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize