Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize