i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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