She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
