between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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