i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
