im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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