PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
