whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Soap is not a condiment
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
