Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize