Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

someone get that fucking seahorse.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

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(740): View more from Ohio

you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

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(913): View more from Kansas

all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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(801): View more from Utah

I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by

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(786): View more from Florida

I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience

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