guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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