oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
