What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
