Do you still have your period?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
