Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
