I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
