hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
