We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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