My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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