Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
