Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
