I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
