Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A+ Viking dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
