You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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