I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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