I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
