I love black thongs
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
