How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
