I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
