he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
