pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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