her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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