"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said her name was "party"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
