My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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