Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
