Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
