So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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