my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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