sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize