i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
