I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
