Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
