My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
