I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
