2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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