...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
