I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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