I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
