already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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