I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize