The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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