i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize