i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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