she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
