My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
