Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
